Hi guys !
I was completely inspired to write on this topic because i feel SO many can relate to this. I don’t even really know where to begin because there are so many variables to this topic. But I figured lets start with an excerpt from my debut poetry collection “Table for One” . This poem will segue into this discussion:
I think people have trouble defining what true friendship is. It’s not
about the money, it’s not about the gifts, and it’s not about the good
It’s when you’ve hit rock bottom and who will answer your phone
call or who will be on their way to your house when you need a
friend. It’s not about giving the same as how others give because love
is given differently. It’s the principle.
It’s the time when you both have goals to meet and yet you grow
together achieving them, not growing apart. It’s about listening to
stories that hurt even if they say they’re over it. It involves wiping
tears, but truthfully, it’s a two-way street. We can both have different
paths but still climb the same direction.
I get it, life gets in the way. I get it, circumstances change. But like
love, a connection should never fade. I’ve found myself helping to
heal wounds while mine were left untouched. I found myself with
more scars than hearts I reached.
I stopped making excuses. I stopped giving chances that I was never
given. I stopped listening to lies unspoken but seen. I stopped thinking
that what I give can never be matched. I started believing that I was
the problem. Oh trust me, I’ve learned, and I won’t sit here and
continue to maintain.
Just realize that true friendship should never be a game.
Okay! So after who’ve read that, I’m sure you can relate to that feeling. When you’ve become friends with people and only feel your presence is needed when its for someones else’s selfish gain. Or have you stood around group of people and literally felt like no matter how hard you try to squeeze into a spot for yourself, you can not fit in? Where you stand there and feel so uncomfortable and lose your identity in the crowd? I know i have been there too many times.
Ever since middle school, I found myself trying to FIT IN and be “down” with the crowd. And hey, that is completely normal to find the type of crowd you want to be around. But I will say I was that person who got stomped on. I vividly remember one day going up the stairs to my next class and I wanted to be friends so bad with this group of girls and I tripped up the stairs and bumped into a this girl. She said to me “Watch where your going and tie my shoes too” and what did I do? I did it. All because I felt like I wanted to appease this ungrateful individual.
I look back at moments where I have become so close with people and given them every ounce of me and I literally got nothing in comparison. Now listen, I get everyone gives and receives love differently but there is a fine line you know? You should never ever feel you have to go outside of yourself to please a “real” friend. We have to stop making excuses for people just because we are afraid to be alone or afraid to lose them when in reality based on your circumstances, they are not healthy for you.
I have learned, people coming in and out of your life is a good thing. I’ve had people I called my “best friends” and where are they now? I try not to put a label on things as well so as to not disappoint. Staying who you are and thinking of yourself is so important. The right people will gravitate towards you. I’m in a place in my life where I almost feel people have to tip toe around me because of my limitations or when I’ve gone into depression. Thats cool I get no one will understand what I am going through, but i have realized that i shouldn’t have to feel that I need to go the extra mile to keep people there. If you want to understand me and love me for who I am then thats awesome and I will feel that energy no matter what. But I have no problem letting people go out of my life.
Now some may say thats harsh – if anyone knows me well I am the most loving being and I take care of people I love. But I have to take care of me now and just because I have let people go does not mean that I hate them. That is one quality I do not possess. I just don’t have room for people to make me feel I am inferior to them. To me, I would never treat anyone differently based on their circumstances, color, health situation etc. But the biggest key I’ve learned as well, is to not have any expectation. The less I expect, the less hurt I am.
I’m working on this heavily because its no easy task. But in writing my first book, the title really signifies being alone. Learning to be on your own is daunting and vulnerable ! Its been scary being in a corner with my thoughts. But I’m evolving so much and i am seeing in different areas of my life what is healthy for me and whats not. And more specifically the type of people i cleave to.
I am no longer allowing people to play me like a game and be so use to the old parts of me. Finding new friends and embarking new journeys is my focus and at this point, who ever wants to stay in my life will stay and will not feel neglected.
Thanks for reading ! xo